Meet The Parents
by pretty in green
Summary: You think meeting your girlfriend's parents is tough? Imagine if they thought you kidnapped her for six years. Yeah...tough doesn't even cover it.


**Title:** _Meet the Parents_

**Rating:** _T_

**Fandom/ Pairing:** _Avatar: the Last Airbender/ Taang_

**Summary:** _You think meeting your girlfriend's parents is tough? Imagine if they thought you kidnapped her for six years. Yeah…tough doesn't even cover it._

**A/N:** _*siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* Penance...again! A big "I'm sorry" to all of you who have been waiting for updates from me. But my laptop has been in the Intensive Care Unit (a.k.a. at the laptop repair store) for the past two months. And even now, Microsoft Office isn't even working. So this story was written on Word Pad...with no spell checking...and no grammar checking..._

_But I still felt bad that I've been sidestepping FanFiction for quite literally two months, so this is sort of my apology. Maybe (hopefully) chapters will come out soon. But my laptop and is very crippled and old and about ready to be thrown out to be honest. But anyway..._

_...something funny to lighten your sour moods. Enjoy!_

~C~C~C~C~C~C~C~C~

My life is over.

No. Correction. My life is precariously hanging by a twig off the edge of a mountain and is probably three seconds away from falling into the abyss, never to see the light of day again.

Now, I like to think of myself as optimistic. But honestly, optimism be damned. I'm almost positive that I'm walking to my death. I'm going to be chewed up and spit out. I'm going to be massacred. They're going to mount my head over the fire place and laugh at my misfortune. I am going to be a corpse by the end of today.

I just know it.

"Hey, you okay Twinkle Toes?"

Ugh. As if she didn't know.

"Look, I'm just not too keen on the idea of meeting your parents. I mean…they _hate_ me!"

My girlfriend rolled her pretty, pale green eyes and turned her head towards me. "They don't hate you. They just…don't particularly like you."

"Oh great," I groaned. "That's a step up."

Most people found it to be terribly surprising, but Toph and I have been in a relationship for about three years. I guess I can understand that. I mean, we weren't exactly "lovey dovey" when we were kids. But, when Katara and I had broken up, Toph was there to offer a shoulder. Ever since then, we were joined at the hip, so to speak. She traveled with me everywhere I went. We helped desperate towns, settled royal disputes between pushy nobles, aided in reconstruction plans all over the Earth Kingdom, and were loved by everyone who met us. She became something of a celebrity along with me and soon we were known around the world as the Dream Team: the Avatar and the World's Greatest Earthbender.

Pretty soon, rumors flew around saying that we were "together." We spent an entire year denying it, another year hiding it, and the next two years making it official to everyone else that cared. I have to admit, I can't say that I regret it one single bit. Toph is smart, funny, sarcastic, tough, and has my back no matter what. And I'm not embarrassed to say that I've actually grown to love her. Completely and unconditionally.

But of course, Toph brought up one important milestone in our relationship that we had yet to overcome.

Meeting the parents.

Insert threatening music here.

Toph said that she was excused from the ordeal seeing as how I didn't have any. But that of course didn't excuse me from going over to Gaoling and clambering over to the Bei Fong estate.

Toph is so lucky that she is worth this torment.

"Look," she said comfortingly, holding my arm in support. "We've practiced this, okay? We went over table manners, posture, making small talk, I've brought you up to speed on artistic culture, literary culture, and musical culture. There's nothing that I know that you don't know. You're going to be _fine_."

"Yeah. Says you," I argued desperately. "You're not the one that has to explain to them that I didn't kidnap you for six years!"

"Oh, come on. We're practically famous. Even the bums off the street know who we are! Like they haven't heard about all of the good things we've done. You're acting ridiculous." Oh no. She's glaring. That means she's serious.

"You're parents are in denial," I whined. "We've written them countless letters explaining to them what's happened and they still won't let me back in their house. In fact, I'm breaking their restraining order right now!"

This was a bad idea. I knew it. This was _such_ a bad idea.

"How many times have I told you that restraining order was denied?" she said sternly. "You can't file a restraining order against the Avatar. It's unethical. How else are you supposed to help them should they be in danger?"

"Yeah, but then they tried to file a restraining order so that I wasn't supposed to come within fifty feet of _you_."

Toph rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I told you I ripped that thing up and I told them very clearly that I refused to sign it." She sighed and grabbed my hands. She placed them on her face and then gently placed her hands on my face. Ah, her hands were so soft.

"Listen. Don't let them get to you, okay? I agree. They can be really anal and really strict. But you're a charmer. Everyone loves you. And they're going to love you too. You just gotta give it a chance. Promise me okay?"

Damn. There was no way I could say no to her after she said all of that.

I sighed and let my head drop. "Fine," I grumbled.

Toph smiled brightly and showed all of her perfect, white teeth. "Thank you." She jumped up and kissed me.

Like I said, Toph was so lucky that I loved her and that she was definitely worth this. Otherwise I would've been out of here in two seconds flat.

But…I made a promise just now. And I can't break it. The last time I broke a promise to Toph…

…let's just say it included me being buried from the neck down in the ground for six hours.

Best to avoid another situation like that.

Toph always complained that her house was a prison and that she hated being cooped up in such a depressing atmosphere. But her house was always one of the most beautiful dwellings I've ever seen. The gardens were something to envy what with all of the trees, flowers, ponds, bridges, and statues that littered the front of the house. The steps leading up to the doors were made out of pure, white marble which must have cost them a fortune—a fortune that they probably had no problem dishing out. The door knockers were made out of gold and had flying boars engraved along the surface. We were shadowed by the tall mansion that stood before us, which only served to make me more nervous and wish that this disaster would just be over already.

"Okay," Toph muttered quietly to me. "Quick review. Chopsticks go on the—"

"Right side," I replied automatically.

"Knives go on the—"

"Left side."

"Tea cup goes on the—"

"Er…upper right hand side?"

I felt her fist collide with my stomach before I could even blink.

"No, stupid!" she hissed. "The upper _left_ hand side."

Damn, she hit hard.

"Okay, okay," I wheezed. "Upper left hand side, got it."

She continued. "When eating your soup you—"

"Sip, don't slurp."

"Chew with your mouth closed, alright?"

"Got it."

"And remember to pull my chair out for me before I sit down, okay?"

"But you told me that I was never supposed to that or else you'd kill me."

Toph groaned and shook her head. "We're in my parents' house. You _have_ to do it, now."

This was so confusing. There were so many rules and things that I had to do without discussion and things I couldn't do under any circumstances. To think that nobles had to be this careful and mindful when they went about their everyday activities. This was so useless. No wonder Toph was never in a hurry to return back to this place. I wasn't even inside and I already felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Remember to bow to them once they answer the door, okay? You have to seem as respectful as possible," Toph warned.

"Don't worry," Aang assured. "I'll be nice."

"And if you even think about slouching I'll kick you!" she warned.

"I'm not going to slouch," I insisted. "You kept me in a brace made out of rock for three whole days just to make sure I got the message. I'll behave."

Toph nodded. "Okay. Sorry. I'm just making sure. We can't screw this up. You need my Dad's blessing if we have any hope of getting married like you had said. And if Dad hates you even more after this, then…well…let's just try not to think about that, okay?"

"Don't worry. I'll try not to screw up," I muttered.

Toph turned me to face her one last time. "Look, whatever happens, in the end their opinion of you doesn't matter to me in the least. They can go fall off a cliff for all I care. I still love you. Alright?"

Okay. I'll admit.

That helped a little bit.

But only a little.

Because Toph could've recited all of the sweetest, kindest, and nicest reassurances she could come up with—and she was _really_ good at being fake and nice when she wanted to. But nothing was going to deny the fact that I was going to have to stare Lao Bei Fong in the face all evening long while he was under the impression that I kidnapped his daughter.

After all, Toph had to get her aggression from somewhere. And I have a very hard time believing that her mother contributed short temper, sharp wit, and unadulterated rage to Toph's gene pool.

There was just no way.

Toph must have knocked on the door while I was busy freaking out, because the next thing I know the door to the estate is opening wide and the creaking of the big heavy doors brings my attention to the person standing in the doorway. I looked to my left and saw Toph suck in a sudden breath and automatically straighten her spine as much as she could. I saw her smoothing—actually _smoothing_ _down_—her clothes so that there were no wrinkles and she folded her hands neatly in front of her. I followed her gaze and stared at the person standing in the doorway.

Oh boy.

I remembered Lao Bei Fong looked a lot nicer when I was twelve years old. He looked like one of those kind noblemen that probably walked through the streets and gave out candy to children, smiled and waved to the citizens, laughed at everyone's unfunny jokes, and so on. All around, a generally okay guy if not a bit over protective of his daughter. But let me tell you right now, this was not the same man that I was looking at.

There were frown lines on his face, showing that the six years that Toph has been gone have not been happy times. I understood that, but it's not like it was totally my fault. And it wasn't like Toph didn't send letters to let them know she was completely alright. But apparently, this didn't do anything to soothe the absolute irritation, worry, anxiety, and stress that this man has probably been going through thinking that I ran away with his daughter like some sketchy freak.

His hair was graying slightly, which probably had less to do with age and more to do with stress. His mouth was set in a tight frown and his eyebrows were furrowed in a way that said I was totally beneath him and that I shouldn't even be here. And he's right. I shouldn't be here.

His clothes were achingly perfect, his eyes were dark, cold, and calculating...everything about him screamed stuffy, strict noble. I didn't think that Toph's father would let her running away turn him into such a statue. But this was what the both of us were greeted with. And I could tell that Toph was just as nervous as I was. She hasn't seen her father in years either, and his appearance probably took her by surprise.

Nonetheless, we bowed respectfully and Toph then shined the fakest, girliest, kindest smile she could possibly muster at her father.

"Hi, Daddy."

~C~C~C~C~C~C~C~C~

The evening started off normal enough.

We arrived just in time for dinner so that we wouldn't have to deal with the awkward pre-dinner conversation. Because that probably would have been completely uncomfortable for everyone in the room. So, we knocked at the door at the precise moment in which dinner was being set at the tables. Which was good, because that meant that we went straight to the dining room and immediately began enjoying the gigantic buffet that was presented to us.

Toph's mother seemed to be doing most of the talking. She obviously paid attention to gossip and actually read Toph's letters, because she seemed to be so proud of what we have been doing during our travels and made a point to say that she was extremely thankful to the both of us. And don't even get me started on the smile that she showed off when I told her that Toph and I were thinking of getting serious.

She was _glowing_.

And Mr. Bei Fong was glowering and moping at the other end of the table.

Needless to say that winning over the affections of Toph's mother required almost no effort at all. Not to sound cocky but...well...she _loved_ me. I played every card I knew in order to get me on her good side. I complimented what she was wearing, commented on the decor, talked to her about the recent production of _"Breaking the City Walls"_—a new dramatic play that was all the rage in the Earth Kingdom—and said that it was obvious where Toph got her stunning beauty from.

Toph and I were cringing at how corny and dumb the conversation was, but if it was making her mother like me, I was willing to jump on the table and reenact the part of _"Breaking the City Walls"_ where Shang professes his undying love to Mai Ling by serenading her in what was probably the most eccentric performance ever created in the history of dramatic performances. I was glad that Toph made we watch all of these stupid plays and read all of these flowery books, because her mother seemed to be a big fan. And the fact that I seemed to "enjoy" them made her ecstatic.

Toph had nudged me with her elbow when dessert was coming along. She smiled to me and nodded, obviously saying that I was doing a great job in terms of her mother. Half of the mission was accomplished and I think it was safe to say that Toph's mother would be calling me her son-in-law by the end of the night.

Now the only problem was to deal with the frigid chill that was coming from the other side of the table.

Lao was really upset. I think he felt slightly betrayed that his wife seemed to like me so much, because he was even sending silent glares over to his wife when she said something particularly nice about me. The jokes that were passing between Toph, her mother, and I didn't even get a chuckle out of him. He was literally acting like the killjoy of the evening.

I felt someone nudge my side again and turned my head slightly away from Toph's mother, who was prattling on about something that had to do with making Toph a wardrobe filled with new dresses, robes, and shoes. Oh, she'd love that.

"Not bad, Twinkles," Toph whispered.

"Well, like you said: I'm a charmer," I smiled.

"Mentioning that play was a nice touch," Toph complimented. "Mom has been dying to take me to that play for ages."

"Really?" I whispered back. "Because I wanted to gouge my eyes out after the first ten minutes."

Toph shrugged and slipped some egg custard tart into her mouth. "Hey, it's got romance and drama. Throw in some handsome actors and you've got the entirety of the female Earth Kingdom population lining up to buy tickets."

"But honestly," I said thoughtfully. "Is that really all it took to win her over?"

"My mom is easy to please," Toph muttered.

After more talking and eating, we were all finally ready to get up and go to the parlor for what Toph dubbed "mindless small talk with some really bitter tea." Right when I thought that I'd be safe for the evening sitting as close to Toph as possible and sitting as far away from her father as possible, I saw Toph's mother suddenly lean over so that her ear was right next to Lao's mouth. His lips were moving very slightly as he muttered something quietly into her ear. I saw her scowl, then frown, then sigh, and then nod her head reluctantly.

She turned to Toph and told her that she wanted to bring her upstairs before they all went to the parlor.

"Those dresses and robes that I was mentioning earlier are sitting upstairs right now. I want to see you try all of them on before you leave."

I chuckled when I saw Toph's eye twitch just a bit. "Mom, it's fine. I mean, I'm not really going to get a chance to wear any of them. I'm going to be travelling and—"

"Oh, nonsense!" her mother exclaimed loudly. "What happens when there's a lovely festival at one of these villages and Aang here wants to take you somewhere nice? What'll you wear?"

"Mom, I really don't think—"

But, there was no changing her mother's mind. Toph was immediately yanked out of her chair and pulled out of the dining room. She was rolling her eyes and begging for her mother to stop as she was literally pushed out of the room, but her mother was having none of that. I saw Toph turn her head and send me a look of sincere apology as she disappeared out of the room, her mother's voice still echoing excitedly as they walked down the hall.

At first, I didn't get why Toph seemed to be apologizing to me. After all, she was the one that was going to be treated like a human doll for who knows how long. If anything, I should have been apologizing to her. At least I'm here, safe in the dining room of all places, with plates filled with rice, vegetables, dumplings, bread, and the company of—

Oh spirits, kill me now.

Lao didn't waste any time in getting up from his seat and walking over to the chair right across from me that was occupying his wife until just recently. He grabbed the chair tightly—so tightly his knuckles were growing white—and yanked out the chair before he sat himself down in front of me. He laced his fingers together, leaned his elbows on the table, and rested his chin on top of his hands. His lips thinned until they were practically invisible as he clicked his tongue against his teeth, quietly observing me.

Ugh. The way he was staring at me was _so_ uncomfortable.

I can't tell you how long we stood like this. There was Lao, staring at me like he was trying to pick me apart and have me as an after dinner snack. And there was I, sitting uncomfortable in my seat and trembling slightly underneath this man's gaze. I kept thinking how many dresses Toph could possibly be trying on that could've prevented her from coming down here and saving me from this. I'd never felt so uncomfortable in my life, and I knew that if I made one wrong move, it was all over.

"What are your intentions?"

What?

"Excuse me?" I choked out. I didn't expect him to actually speak to me.

Lao sighed impatiently and repeated the question with a lot more venom than before. "I asked, what are your intentions with my daughter?"

I looked from side to side, not exactly sure what to say. "Well, err, I…"

"Because I hope you know that, as a father, I'm not going to take you courting my daughter lightly."

I swallowed a large lump in my throat. "Of course," I replied as nicely as I could. "As a father you have every right to know that your daughter is in good hands."

He nodded slightly, as if pleased that I actually came up with a good response. Though, he didn't stop staring at me like I was a piece of meat.

Lao reached into his robe and started rummaging around. "I hope you don't mind," he said conversationally. "But I was hoping that I could get some time alone with you."

I fidgeted around in my seat. "I suppose not."

"It's very simple really," Lao insisted. "Just a few questions. Nothing too hard, correct?"

I don't know. Something about the glint in his eyes was telling me that this wasn't going to be your classic, friendly, let's-get-to-know-each-other interview. Especially since he was pulling out a brush and parchment and was gesturing for a servant to come and bring over a pot of ink. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there and sweated out all of my confidence as Lao dipped his brush into the inkpot and began scribbling things down.

"First question," he said sternly. "Are you in possession of any suspicious vehicles?"

"I'm…sorry?" I asked.

"Particularly any large carriages with only one exit?"

I blanched. Was this guy _serious_?

"Um…no…I have a flying bison. But it's not a very enclosed space," I replied.

Lao nodded. "But it does fly so high in the sky that no one from below would be able to see you, correct?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. I stumbled over my sentence since I knew that anything I said wouldn't be able to change his mind. I settled for sighing and hanging my head.

"I see," Lao responded, writing more things down in his parchment, frowning disapprovingly. "Second question. Any piercings?"

I shook my head proudly. "Not a single one!"

But Lao shrugged his shoulders. "Though there is a bit of a problem with all of those tattoos," he tutted, writing more things down on his parchment.

My mouth was already hanging wide open. This was so unfair!

"I got these tattoos as recognition of my advanced Airbending skills," I defended.

Lao tilted his head. "Can they be removed?"

"No."

"Then on to the third question."

I sighed. What was he going to ask next?

"In one hundred words or less, what does 'don't touch my daughter' mean to you?"

You cannot be serious!

"I beg your pardon?" I asked desperately.

"I believe that I made the question quite clear, Mr. Avatar."

I scratched the back of my head—something that Toph made a point of saying that I do when I get nervous—and shrugged. "Well…it means…uh…don't touch your daughter?"

Silence.

More silence.

Crickets in the background.

Even more silence.

"I see," Lao said shortly. "Then onto question five…define the word 'abstinence.'"

My eyes bugged out of their sockets. I didn't know what to say. The question was just so uncalled for that I couldn't even think of anything to say. Which was really bad, because now he was going to think that I had every intention of having my way with his daughter, which was probably the furthest thing from the truth. But of course, that was of no importance to Mr. Bei Fong as he scribbled down the fact that I could come up with no response and I was forced to just suck it up and hope that the questions got easier.

They didn't.

"Are you employed?"

"Well…no."

Scribble, scribble, scribble.

"But...I did work under the Fire Lord trying to advocate funding for the reconstruction of the Earth Kingdom and I have traveled a good portion of the world helping villages and towns rebuild their community. Does that count?"

Lao scowled, but nodded his head. "I will write that down as 'unemployed with community service hours.'"

Community service? _Really?_

"Your home address?"

"Err, I don't exactly have one."

"Last name?"

"No."

"Parents that I can interview?"

"No."

"Letters of reference?"

"Err…no?"

Scribble, scribble, scribble. A disapproving shake of the head.

"Age?"

"Um…well technically I'm 118, but in reality I'm only—"

"Ah, so you are more than twenty years older than my daughter. That will _certainly_ be taken into consideration."

"What!" I shouted.

"I simply don't think that a man your age should be associating with my daughter. That will be a major deduction of points," he said calmly, writing even _more_ nonsense on that stupid parchment of his.

I breathed out calmly. I remembered what Toph had told me before we came here. This man's opinion of me didn't matter to her in the least. She still loved me. Toph is worth this. Toph is worth this. Toph is worth this. Toph is—

"Do you happen to know the current going rate of a hotel room?"

Alright, that's it.

"I'm not so despicable and irresponsible that I would go off and do something like that to your daughter," I shouted, standing up from my seat and placing my face three inches away from him. "I'm not interested in her the way you're making it seem that I am. I actually love your daughter because of her absolutely wonderful personality. All of your questions are completely ridiculous and stupid and I refuse to answer any more of them if you're purposefully going to make me out to seem like some jerk that doesn't deserve your daughter. I worship the ground she walks on, and I swear to you that I will do _nothing_ to harm her."

I was breathing quite heavily. But everything I said was true. This man was completely out of line. These questions were so pointless and I wasn't about to sit here while he totally and completely bashed me and made me seem like a creep.

Lao didn't say anything. He just sat there, his face completely stoic and unchanging. We stood there staring each other down for a good ten minutes before he closed his eyes, sighed, and picked up his brush again.

"Disrespecting your elders. Another deduction."

I knew it.

This was _such_ a bad idea.

~C~C~C~C~C~C~C~C~

_I might just continue this. Anyway, let me know what you think!_


End file.
